Alternatively titled: apartment hunting on Craigslist makes me want to kill myself.
If you happen to follow me on Twitter, you’ve likely noticed I’m in the process of apartment hunting. I started the process all bright-eyed and bushy tailed. And then Craigslist killed it for me.
I’m no real estate agent, and I’m absolutely not claiming I could rent any of these apartments. Because I absolutely couldn’t. But what I do know is that I could save everyone a whole lot of time and energy… and that must count for something, right?
My advice to real estate agents listing homes on Craigslist:
- The words “Elevator building!” are irrelevant if the unit is on ground level or in the basement.
- Please don’t use the word “Wowsers” in the headline. Especially if the apartment looks like a bomb went off in it.
- We can tell if you’re stretching your photos. No coffee table is that wide. And the toilet seat looks like it was built for a giant. A for effort. Actually no, F.
- If you don’t put photos with your ad, there’s probably a reason. If you only include photos of the lobby, there’s probably a reason for that, too. Pretty lobbies are nice, but I shouldn’t want to sleep in it over my actual unit.
- The term “modern” changes through the years. What was “modern” in 1989, is not still considered “modern” today. A “modern” kitchen should not have a brown and yellow refrigerator.
- Brighton is not a “Coolidge Corner alternative.” I mean, technically everything’s an alternative to something else, but no. Just no.
- Who the heck would pay $250 for a parking spot in Brookline?
- “Clean carpet” is an oxymoron in the Boston-area.
- If you have to say “Lead-free!!” in the headline, you’re really struggling to say something nice, aren’t you?
- Cute means small. Cozy means small. Nice means meh. Unique means horribly ugly.
- Posting the same ad over and over, all in a row, is NOT going to make me want to call you to set up an appointment.
- If there’s a piece of trash in the middle of an otherwise empty room, pick it up before you take a photo. Heck, what do I care, kick it to the side if you want. Photoshop it later on if you really can’t build up the energy to remove it. just, I don’t want to see it.
- Please refrain from using hearts, stars, music notes, arrows, etc. in listing headlines.
- Just don’t say this: “living room is large, sunny and has great fridge in it, since the kitchen doesn’t have enough space to fit it.”
I’ll stop here for fear that I could go on forever and ever. Let’s just hope this apartment hunt doesn’t last that long. I’ve suddenly realized why I haven’t moved from my apartment in 5 years.
I thought this would be painless, but apparently it’s quite possible I’ll be living in a living room with a refrigerator in it. But at least I won’t have lead poisoning, right?