So, my sister’s big day is nearing and I’m getting slightly nervous. OK, I’m totally freaking out. I cannot even imagine how she feels because I am not even the bride and I feel like I’m having constant anxiety attacks? Why? Ohh I don’t know, maybe it’s the fact that I have a million things to do in the next 2 weeks. And because I want to make sure everything is perfect for her on my end. And because I have to see about a million relatives, plus people I don’t know. Plus people I’m supposed to know, but still don’t know. And I have to make sure my dress actually fits and that I don’t gain 10 pounds in the next two weeks. And that I don’t trip on it when I’m walking down the aisle. And I somehow need to get some sort of tan so I don’t look like a ghost and ruin all the pictures. Trust me, it’s A LOT to worry about.
Oh. And I have to give a speech. When they first got engaged, I was all gung-ho about the speech. “Oooh I can’t wait to get up there and talk about how happy I am!!” And now? Now, I’m not so excited. How do I sum up 26 years of growing up sisters, plus the new addition of a brother? Everyone keeps telling me to keep it short and sweet. But how on Earth do I do that?? If you know me, you know I keep nothing short and this speech is in danger of being a 45 minute catastrophe. And I feel like I’m going to throw up.
So, in the words of Becky Bloomwood, I Googled. Yes, I Googled for some help with my speech writing. And guess what? I found a website that is pretty much Maid of Honor MadLibs. How fun! Basically, the Internet wrote my speech for me. All I had to do was fill in some words and change a few things. Personally, I think it would have been a bit better if they had told me what part of speech to make the word, but perhaps that’s asking too much.
Here’s an excerpt:
Good Evening! For those of you who don’t know me, I am ____SUSIE_____, the very proud big (little) sister of our glamorous Bride. I want to start by congratulating bride and groom, and thanking all of you for coming here today.
When I look at the bride and groom, I feel such a whirlwind of emotions? (there are lots of ?? in this speech. Does that mean I should use up-speak??) I know that __BETH___ has found her true match and I know that theirs will be a marriage of long standing. My heart is bursting with love for you two today. I know you have a wonderful adventure ahead of you, and with God’s blessing your marriage will last for decades to come. (it’s not a religious wedding… Do I take this out?)
I never knew __ADAM___ before he dated my sister, so I can’t tell you horrible stories about him, but I can tell you that I think he is perfect for my sister!? (i like the “!?” touch. Totally something I would do/say) He’s easy going, interesting, easy to talk to, and he has a great sense of humor! We are very happy to welcome __ADAM___ into our family. We know he’s made for us, and we hope we’re made for him!
__BETH____, I want to note how beautiful you look today, and to tell you that this has truly been a special day for me. Thank you for giving true meaning to the word sister and for sharing the last 28 (26) years with me. My parents and I have just loved this girl from the day she was born. We’ve coddled her, enjoyed her, and laughed with her? (This part is confusing. I never coddled her. Even if I had, that’s weird. Suggestions?) I know how much joy she has brought into our lives, and I know that she’ll bring that joy into ___ADAM’S___ life as well….
Anyway, you get the point. Speech is AWESOME, right? I’m going to totally rock the wedding, right? Please, somebody, give me some confidence!