Posting has not turned into just a weekly thing, I swear. I know I say it all the time but ahh I’ve been so busy! And lots of stuff has been going on. Fun stuff, but also stuff that’s disheartening even to an eternally cheerful optimist like me.
I think I’m becoming more and more cynical about things like relationships and I’m not really liking that. I used to be all whoo hoo love! But recently I just haven’t been into the whole dating deal and find that I’d so much rather hang out with myself or my friends than be in any type of relationship. Clearly I’m not dating the right people to be so incredibly unenthusiastic about the whole thing, but what can you do? And when you see sadness all around you, it makes it difficult to stay positive about the whole thing.
This is totally the season for breakups and it’s extremely hard to see horrible stuff happening to everyone all around you, especially people you love. And as much as I’ve tried to give advice and come up with answers, I’ve realized that I don’t know. I just don’t know. I don’t know what it’s supposed to be like. I don’t know what’s normal and what’s not. I don’t know how many chances you give someone. And I don’t know when you’re supposed to call it quits. I don’t have a clue. I know what I’ve done with my experiences. But I have no idea if I did the right thing or not. I personally think it’s a hell of a lot easier to be broken up with than it is to break up with someone. But maybe that’s just the horrible indecisiveness in me talking.
You can go through all kind of experiences, but you’ll still never have the answers. I don’t like not having answers. When people come to me for help or advice, I like knowing exactly what to say. I want to make things better. But I think it’s OK not to have the answers all the time. What fun would life be with them? It wouldn’t be much fun, but it also wouldn’t be so horribly painful. I know everything will work out; it’s just a tough road getting there.