Everyone Loves a Boston Girl

My first friend in my group of close girlies I grew up with is engaged. I’m thrilled for her as I love her fiancee and think they’re a really nice couple (though she does often forbid him to watch Sox games during dinner, and that’s just wrong according to me). But I do love them together. So although I am against getting married so young, I have to say I approve of them and their relationship.

Sooo tomorrow night a couple of us are throwing her and her fiancee an engagement party. This is out first real adult party, meaning no beirut playing, jello shots, etc. and we’re basically like wtf…how do we throw a party without drinking games? (IS this even possible? Because I’m not quite sure…I’ll let you know tomorrow). We’re trying to be all mature and grown-up like because gasp, parents will be there. And many of the people attending the party, we have never met before. In addition, most of the people attending the party are couples. Which leads my friends and I to believe we will be acting as hosts/servers/maids to a party full of couples. Can you say depressing? I’m already urging my fellow hostesses to come out and get drunk with me after. What? In my opinion, there is nothing wrong with going out and getting drunk after throwing your friend a very nice party to celebrate her happy engagement to her lovely boyfriend, especially when you are sickeningly single. So we will either be doing that, or sitting on the couch stuffing our faces with all the leftover party food crying about our pathetic lives. Once again, I’ll let you know after the party.

The party is not at my apartment, but I will be cooking up a storm tomorrow to prepare for it. I am making a three-cheese fritatta (courtesy of Martha Stewart’s chef, Pierre); a goat cheese and caramelized onion dip (courtesy of my mom); turkey, brie, and cranberry chutney quesadillas (courtesy of Martha); and a taco dip (courtesy of me…and my mom). When I was in middle school/high school, whenever I’d go to a friend’s get-together or whatever, my mom would make me a taco dip to bring. My friends LOVED it. She eventually taught me to make it and it is pretty much the easiest thing in the world (note: my parents are gourmet chefs so I am shocked my mom can/will do something this easy). So easy in fact, I am really bored of making it and I could do it with my eyes closed (except for the time I bought the peach salsa instead of regular and poured it all over the dip…gross). But it’s apparently soo good that Chelsee is asking to have it for her wedding cake when she gets married (my mom and I are going to make like a 10-layer one with a bride and groom on top). I asked if I should make it for the engagement party and then quickly said, “nah, not classy enough.” Until I heard that the bride-to-be specially requested it. So taco dip I will be making.

Maybe I’ll post some pics of my completed food creations tomorrow. If they look good. I still kinda wish the party was going to be like the last one Nina and I threw…Check out our fridge pics. Now our fridge is just filled with gourmet-ish food and no trashy alcohol. Sigh.

P.S. Nablopomo is ovahh, suckas. I think I only missed one day. And in my defense, I wasn’t home at all that entire day (I was off doing more fun-like things that I didn’t divulge). I think I try to post every day anyhow, sooo you probably won’t see much change from me. I’m happy I met sooo many blogger friends during November, and I hope you all keep posting because I love reading you 🙂

Sometimes I get obsessed with songs that are super depressing and sad. Umm yeah, I’m weird. I think probably lots of people do this though (right?? right??). A couple weeks ago I wrote about songs that make me happy and giddy, so now I’m going to write a list of the songs that make me sad. Yippee. Really, it’s sad in a good way though. Does that make sense? Songs that really touch me and make me super emotional for whatever reason. Songs that are good for when I’m feeling down and just want to wallow in my sorrow. When I’m writing something or working on a project that involves a lot of personal emotion, I like to put super sad songs on and just make myself feel everything in the music, in my thoughts, and in my writing.

This list will probably be super cheesy, including many songs with super cheesy lyrics, but I’m in a kind of cheesy emotional mood, so I can’t help it. I’m realizing that a lot of the songs have meaning because of my ex-boyfriend. Which might make me seem kind of pathetic. But a) he is what I know of love, and b) honestly, I count myself lucky that the saddest times in my life have had to do with a boy. As writers/artists/whatevers, I think we sometimes like to feel sad. It depresses me that I actually want to be sad, but I think it’s important for us to face our emotions and attempt to understand them and be comfortable with them. Okayyy enough psychology talk. Anyway, all of these songs are fabulous and you should check them out, too. Especially if you want to feel sad. And really, who doesn’t? Ha.

“Accidental Babies” by Damien Rice- I had this song on my iPod for a while but never listened to it. One night I was in bed and it came on and I was like “omg, prettiest song in the world” and I fell in love with it. The line that touches me the most, “Is he dark enough, enough to see your light?” because the ex wasn’t at all emotional and didn’t understand a lot about me.

“Like a Star” by Corinne Bailey Rae- I’ve never fought with anyone (besides small fights) until I was with my ex. Even my first bf and I were together 3 years and had maybe 2 arguments. While I accept some responsibility for me and the ex’s fights (umm a tiny bit), I also saw how he fought with the people he loves and know it was part of his nature and not something that I could control. I tried to come to terms with this and this song was sooo how I felt about him. “Just like a star across my sky, just like an angel off the page. You have appeared to my life. Feel like I’ll never be the same…Still I wonder why it is. I don’t argue like this with anyone but you. We do it all the time. Blowing out my mind.”

“Almost Lover” by A Fine Frenzy- Just a sweet, sorrowful song. “I never want to see you unhappy. I thought you’d want the same for me. Goodbye my almost lover, goodbye my hopeless dream. I’m trying not to think about you. Can’t you just let me be? So long my luckless romance. My back is turned on you. Should have known you’d bring me heartache. Almost lovers always do.” Side note: this song was on The Hills this week. You know, as Audrina is leaving Justin Bobby after he kisses some other chick in the bar. Sooo I have a feeling this song is gonna get big. And it’s so so appropriate for Justin Bobby. How you can you not be sad by the ending of that relationship??? Right.

“Ocean Size Love” by Leigh Nash- Because I might take chances in love I maybe shouldn’t. But what’s life if you don’t follow your feelings? “I know what I’m doing may be dumb. I know I should not be staring at the sun. But the thought of you leads me to temptation. It’s the saying whatever side you’re on…I see you right in front of me, as close as you can get. And I pray that you won’t leave this daydream yet.”

“Leave” by Matchbox 20- The ex had an amazing way of turning off his feelings, something I could never do. And while I recognized a lot was wrong with our relationship, I always thought we’d work through it. “It’s amazing how you make your face just like a wall. How you take your heart and turn it off. How I turn my head and lose it all. And it’s unnerving how one move puts me by myself…I’m not saying there wasn’t nothing wrong. I just didn’t think you’d ever get tired of me. And I’m not saying we ever had the right to hold on. I just didn’t want to let it get away from me…”

“Kidding Ourselves” by Stabilo- We kidded ourselves for like a year. All I needed was my cellphone and the knowledge I could take a taxi away from him. But then I’d be alone. “We’re kidding ourselves, kidding ourselves, so what do you want from me? As long as there’s a payphone and a taxi, I’m alright, because I can leave home. We’re kidding ourselves, kidding ourselves, so what are you waiting for? Cause even with a fast car and a cellphone, I won’t leave, cause I’d be alone…”

“Blossom” by Ryan Adams- Just look at the lyrics. This is one of my favorite songs in the world. I think a lot of us feel this way. “Without anyone to love you, what will you blossom into? Without anyone to hold you, how will you grow? And with no one to care for you, who knows…and in the shadows of the past where you’re spinning so fast, it’s hard to see it coming and it never lasts. And with nothing to judge your life by how will you know?

“If I am a Stranger” by Ryan Adams (the Follow the Lights version)- He never really knew who I was. “To tell the truth, it’s hard enough without a lover, who you only want to hide your darkness from, so you don’t let them down. If I am a stranger now to you, I will always be. I will always be…I will try and be there for you. If I can. What if I can’t? ” I could probably put almost every Ryan Adams song on this list…but I am restraining myself and only putting two.

“Warning Sign” by Coldplay- I don’t know why this song affects me so much, but it does. I’ve always loved it, but when I heard it in The Last Kiss (gooood soundtrack!), it made me pretty much cry. When I hear it, I just sit and stare into space. “When the truth is, I miss you…”

“The Story” by Tristan Prettyman- Because I think he’s missing out on a lot by not getting it together. I think he knows it too. “I’m the icing on the cake. I’m the secret ingredient you’re missing. And I’m the sidewalk, but not complete. And I’m the reason that, baby, you’re tripping on decisions you didn’t make. I’m the chance you chose not to take. And I’m the one you wish you were kissing. Pray for clear skies tonight. You better start wishing.”

“Pieces” by Rascal Flatts- So true. Everything Rascal says is true. They are amazing. “I don’t want to see you anymore. I’m just not strong. I love it when you’re here, but I’m better when you’re gone. I’m certain that I’ve given and oh, how you can take. There’s no use in you looking, there’s nothing else for you to break. Baby, please release me. Let my heart rest, in pieces.”

“Seamless” by Christopher Jak- Love this man and his lyrics. “All you want now is so much more than you’ve got, you want everything.”

“Anna Begins” by the Counting Crows- For when you think your feelings for the friend you’ve been hooking up with might be turning into something more. But you can’t explain it. And he can’t either. So you just don’t talk about it. Le sigh. “It does not bother me to say this isn’t love. Because if you don’t wanna talk about it then it isn’t love. And I guess I’m gonna have to live with that. But I’m sure there’s something in a shade of grey, or something in between…And then I start to think about the consequences.”

“Brothers on a Hotel Bed” by Death Cab For Cutie- The piano playing is soo beautiful, especially in the beginning of this song. The song’s about growing older with the one you love and realizing how you’re changing in their eyes. And how you sleep like brothers on a hotel bed instead of like lovers. Super depressing. And I hope I don’t end up like this…”You may tire of me as our December sun is setting cause I’m not who I used to be. No longer easy on the eyes, these wrinkles masterfully disguise…cause now we say goodnight from our own separate sides, like brothers on a hotel bed.”

“Your Ex-Lover is Dead” by Stars- This sums up how I feel about my ex-boyfriend. “I’m not sorry I met you, I’m not sorry it’s over, I’m not sorry there’s nothing to say.”

“Sunken Treasure” by Wilco- I daze out during this song. Jeff Tweedy’s voice is so mournful, yet comforting. Plus, I love when he sings “I am so out of tune with you” out of tune. And “music is my savior” is basically a line I love. Wilco reminds me of my dad, too, which makes them extra special to me.

“Make This Go On Forever” by Snow Patrol- This song made me really sad when the ex and I first broke up. As much as I hate to admit it, he taught me soo much, made me such a better person, and made me feel true love. I don’t think he realizes this. A lot of my changes didn’t take place until we were apart for a while. I don’t necessarily like the way he did it, but it worked. “The first kiss and the first time that I’ve felt connected to anything. The weight of water, the way you taught me to look past everything I have ever learned. The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love.” All of the lyrics in this song are powerful.

“Nothing Lasts for Long” by the Samples- I used this quote in my senior bio in my high school yearbook, and I still love it. “Maybe nothing lasts forever, not the mountains or the sea. But the times we had together, they will always be with me.” The Samples got me through high school.

“Stop This Train” by John Mayer- Makes me really sad when I think about life, growing up, and my parents getting older. “Once in a while, when it’s good it’ll feel like its should. And they’re all still around and you’re all safe and sound. And you don’t miss a thing. Till you cry when you’re driving away in the dark. Singing stop this train. I want to get off and go home again.”

“The Pieces Don’t Fit Anymore” by James Morrison- You can give everything you have, but that doesn’t mean it’s right. “Well I can’t explain why it’s not enough, cause I gave it all to you. And if you leave me now, then just leave me now. It’s the better thing to do. Well it’s time to surrender, it’s too long pretending. There’s no use in hiding when the pieces don’t fit anymore…”

“Absence of the Sun” by Duncan Sheik- You can’t pretend to be friends when you still love each other just because you’re afraid of the pain you’ll feel from ending it for good. “I don’t want to feel this way, no. I don’t want to say I’m just a friend. I don’t want to wait around here cause you don’t want to feel no pain again. We just lie about. As we become shadows of ourselves.”

“All I Can See” by Brendan James- This guy is so amazing. And the last lines of this song touch me soo much. Get his 4-song EP; it seriously rocks. This song doesn’t make me sad per say, just emotional. “I want to know where the strength of a person lies, in their past or their future? Is it in the way that they hurt or they love themselves or is it all an illusion? I want to crawl from this skin that we’re painted in, body please let it give. I want to find the creator of all good things and ask what it means to live.

So are you wicked depressed yet?? Sorry 😡 Seriously though, I highly recommend all of these songs and artists. But I’m done with sad songs for the evening…going to pump some JT or something. So I don’t cry myself to sleep. Kidding, obviously. But it is bedtime…work, party planning, and cooking tomorrow.

While responding to an e-mail asking what weekends I am free for a holiday get-together, I realized how truly lame my life is right now. I pretty much listed every weekend night in December as potential for me. Then, in an attempt to save my dignity, I added on “I am in the process of making some plans, so the sooner we figure it out, the better” HA! It’s really true though. I am trying to get some dates straightened out. Like what day my mom and I are going to get together to make Christmas cards. Yeah. OK. So, I have no job, which means I have no work party. And I guess I just don’t know too many people throwing holiday parties or anything this year. Or I’m just not invited to them. I feel like people are constantly talking about how busy this time of year is that they purposely make plans for before or after the holidays. Maybe? Or maybe it’s just me.

I know stuff will come up because it always does. But right now it feels strange to see my gCal so empty for the month of December. I don’t do well when my calendar is so empty.I like to at least have the illusion that I’m busy, busy. It keeps me motivated. And once I’m done with school, what am I going to do with myself. I need a job, like woah.

Too tired to continue. More later.

I’ve got a lot going on right now and haven’t been getting nearly enough sleep. Such is the life of a final semester graduate student, I suppose. I have a big project due tomorrow and have been up late working on it. I think it’s pretty damn good and I’m not too worried about our grade. That said, I hate group work, but I’m learning that I can work with pretty much anyone no matter how much they annoy me, stress me out, make me wonder what the eff they’re doing, etc. So that’s kind of comforting. I have successfully kept my cool and smiled through so many situations where I just want to flip out. Let’s just say me and my fellow grad students? Not so much on the same page. But that’s fine, I can appreciate them and their oddities.

I really haven’t stopped eating a ton since Thanksgiving and probably should slow it down a little, and start working out more. Today I had to go out to lunch with my classmates so we could work on our project. And then tonight I got some dinner with Sas. She is my only friend who will eat Indian food (besides my dad), so we went to Rani, a fabulous Indian restaurant in Coolidge Corner. For some reason, we were served extremely quickly and, because we are pigs, we also ate really fast. Soo since we weren’t quite done with our discussions (what didn’t we talk about??), we decided to go to Finale for dessert. Now, Finale came to Coolidge Corner probably a year ago. And when it did, I went absolutely crazy claiming “I am going to be here every single night!!!” Yeah, tonight was my first time. But it was awesome and I can’t wait to go back (within the next year, ha). Sas and I split the tiramisu (how romantic) and each had a delicious toddy coffee. I had the Mexican coffee with Kahlua. Exactly what I needed on a nice, chilly night like tonight.

While out, I realized I had completely forgotten about Panera, another place I claimed I would go to every single day, and have been to a total of one time since it opened. Sad, considering I legit live 2 seconds away. Then again, I need to stop eating so much. Really. I do.

I’ve decided that I don’t get my work done and I don’t sleep enough because I spend too much time talking. Whether it’s in person or on the phone or through e-mail, I need to learn to just shut up. I think the fact that I talked to Chelsee on the phone for 5 hours the other night says a lot about my issues. 5 hours is ridiculous, but I think we properly justified it by the realization that we hadn’t talked in 1.5 days (the horror!) and had a lot to catch up on. Tonight when I got home I talked to my roomie for 2 hours and then was on the phone for another 2. And all of the sudden it was 1:30 a.m. And my project was staring at me with evil eyes. Sometimes catching up with friends feels soo much more important than anything in the world. Especially sleep. And schoolwork. Maybe not so much as eating. But oftentimes, you can talk and eat at the same time. As long as you don’t talk with food in your mouth. I hate that. OK, I’m tired. That’s wayy evident.

I finally started my Christmas shopping. Online. I might just be with Sas on the whole, do all your shopping online thing. Not because I dislike Christmas shopping or because I don’t like the crowds in malls, but because it’s soo convenient. While I’m in the middle of working on editing or writing a piece, I can cruise over to any website I want and purchase whatever I want. And then a couple of days later my purchases arrive on my doorstep. And it’s almost like Christmas for me right then and there because I get to open the boxes and see what my purchases are like. Not to mention, I get crazy Amazon credit card points if I shop on Amazon.com.

The only problem with online shopping is that it’s way too easy to just throw a few items for yourself into the shopping cart as well. I mean, as I was purchasing my sister’s pajamas from Victoria’s Secret, I couldn’t help but notice a ton of things I wanted/needed/greatly desired. And I mean, the more I buy, the more points I get on my Angels Card. And if you purchase enough stuff you get free shipping. And if you get a few more things you can get a free tote bag. With free samples. You cannot turn that offer down. It just keeps going. It’s really way too easy to just throw virtual items in a shopping cart. And I love it. I’m a good person, I deserve gifts. Right? Thank you.

Does anyone else have an extremely difficult time trying to decide what to get their dad for holidays? I just feel as though my dad has everything he wants (that I can afford) and other than that, he asks for books about HTML and JAVA (wahoo) and random software programs (yawn). I always get him a nice stylish shirt (either Polo, Nautica, or Tommy) because he really trusts my taste (as he should), but how much does a 60-year-old man really enjoy getting a shirt on Christmas morning? About as much as I would enjoy getting a HTML book. So he’s difficult. I like doing the “of the month club” things for him and have done one for cheese, one for beer, and one for rubs and spices (to put on meat for cooking, ha). They legit have an “of the month club” for everything. Seriously. No lie, they have one for teddy bears, neckties, lobster, and perfume. And they’re expensive too. No messing around with these clubs. The coffee of the month club costs $75 for just 3 months. And what’s the poing of being in an “of the month club” for only 3 months? Exactly.

I love shopping for my mom because she loves most everything I get her. I got her Ugg slippers last year and I’ve never seen her so happy. Every time she wears them she claims they were the best gift she’s ever received. Awww. I need to find a way to outdo that this year. My sister and I bugged her to send us her list and she finally e-mailed one with this disclaimer: “You both know I ‘want for nothing’ ever since the two of you came into my life. On the other hand, I do love to open presents on Christmas morning.” Adorable.

So, my shopping season has officially begun and I’m psyched for it. Um, right about now a full-time/non-freelance job would be sort of nice. I am completely done with graduate school in 3.5 weeks and then I have absolutely no excuse. Eeek. Whatever, I will not let Christmas suffer because of my joblessness. Now, getting back to Sephora.com, I’ve got some deals to find!