It seems as though wedding bells are everywhere lately. Maybe it’s just my age, but everyone and their brother seem to be getting engaged these days and it’s leaving me wondering what the hell is going on. I think it’s fabulous if you’ve found the love of your life and are ready to settle down at age 25 or younger (go you), but personally, I don’t see why so many people feel the need to rush it. Do you realize that once you get married you can never live alone again? You can never go for a night out with the girls without making a phone call and telling someone where you are. You can never eat a bowl of cereal for dinner again without explaining it to someone. You can never get that first rush of “Oh my God, I think I’m really falling for this person.” You can never be completely and totally selfish again. And really, are most 25-year-olds ready to stop being selfish (not to mention, stop eating cereal for dinner)? I know I’m not. To quote the popular Facebook group, “My friends are getting married. I’m just getting drunk.” I know, I’m so mature, right? You get the point though.
I became a fan of Julia Allison after reading her bf’s (yes, she has a bf) Tumblr (p.s. I want a Tumblr. Soo much cooler than Blogger. Sorry Blogger, please don’t cancel my account) and reading Gawker talk smack about the two of them all the time. Some people don’t like her, but like most disliked people (ahem, Martha Stewart), I believe the people who dislike them are just jealous and can’t handle/appreciate people more successful than themselves. I like people more successful than myself beacuse they motivate me and give me role models. I love Julia’s Tumblr and really, I think if you read it, she’s hard not to like. She recently posted an article that she just wrote for Time Out New York and she seriously put everything I’ve been trying to say into the perfect words. Sooo, read it.
Just what you’ve been feeling too, right? Seriously though. It’s extremely important to me that I find my own success before I settle down with someone else. Not that I can’t be successful with someone, but I’d rather grow into my own person and be entirely independent and stable on my own first. Honestly, this used to mean nothing to me. Growing up, I would tell my parents I was going to marry a rich man and be a housewife (they would laugh and then give each other concerned looks, wondering where the hell I came from and who raised me). Throughout college, I was sure I would get married to my college boyfriend. After college, I knew I wanted to be with my post-college boyfriend forever. Now, I’m totally happy not knowing who I’ll end up with, because really, I just don’t care right now. I’m sure I’ll still make a fabulous housewife someday, with my extremely amazing cooking skills (minus random cereal nights) and all (I’m still working on the cleaning part, k?), but I have quite a few things I need to get out of the way first.
My favorite line of Julia’s article? “I still want to wonder if he likes me, not if he’s taken out the trash.” Seriously sooo true. I mean, some people are ready to settle down and argue about taking out the trash and that is totally cool. But try really hard to picture your life in 10 years, then 20, then 30, and make sure that still sounds like the life you’ve always dreamed of. Even when it feels good now, I can imagine that a few years down the line when the novelty’s worn off, you start wishing things went a little differently.
Honestly, I think there’s a reason why the divorce rate is so high; people don’t accomplish everything they want to before they are married and they don’t realize it until the lust and excitement of marriage wears off. I’m not saying young marriages never work, because they do. But why not wait a while and make sure you’re totally and 100% ready? What do you have to lose by waiting? So you won’t be the first of your friends to have a big lavish wedding. So what? (I personally want to wait to get married until my friends are older anyway, because it means better presents. Seriously, I don’t have any business buying my friends, no matter how good they are, amazing engagement/shower/wedding presents with my current salary/non-salary. I can afford maybe a spatula/whisk set or something of that nature, so if that’s what you want, by all means, send me an invitation. Otherwise, give me a few years).
In addition, I am not ready to get rid of my pink bedspread/pink everything in my bedroom, nor do I have any room at all for anyone else’s clothes or shoes in my closet. Also, when I want to stay up working or vegging until 4 a.m. I don’t want someone trying to sleep in my bed complaining that the light’s bothering them or I’m typing too loudly. When it’s 11 p.m. and I realize I haven’t eaten dinner yet and I’m grabbing a bowl of cereal, I don’t want to be given a hard time for it. On second thought….maybe I’ll just stay unmarried forever.
P.S. “And hey, if you want to start sleeping with the same person for the rest of your life when you’re 25, go for it, but don’t say I didn’t tell you you’d be choosing real sleep over the euphemism by 27. And that’s just depressing.” She said it. I’m just agreeing.