Everyone loves a Boston girl. This is the story of one Boston girl's adventures in the city, in blogging, and in getting through those crazy 20-something years.

I'm a writer by trade. And by passion. I'm a lover of food, friends, and all things Boston. I listen to music pretty much 24/7 and idolize Martha Stewart. I love my job(s), my life, and this city. Follow me on Twitter! @Susie

they’re not your family.

Sometimes I think the hardest part about breaking up with someone is breaking up with their family. When you’re dating someone for a significant amount of time, you tend to grow close to the people they’re close to. So, when you stop talking to the person you were dating, it’s like you’re breaking up with their whole family as well. Except you usually don’t have any hard feelings against the family members. And just like that, they’re gone from your life.

My ex-bf had (and still has, I suppose) an amazing family and I grew pretty close to them throughout our relationship. Because they lived near my college town, I spent a lot of time with them and they became like my second family. Throughout the ex’s billions of injuries, surgeries, and hospital visits, I was there like one of the family, sitting in waiting rooms with them and trying to lessen his pain and make him feel better. They let me use their car to come back and fourth from campus to their house and later from Boston to their house. His mom would call me at work and ask me to check up on him. They cooked me dinner and asked me to help. Incidentally, the last time I saw my ex was at his grandmother’s extremely emotional funeral, where I sat in the church in the front row with the four of them. This was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, because while I never felt more like a part of their family, I also knew our relationship was over. And there I was, being there one last time for someone who never quite knew how to be there for me.

I usually don’t talk about stuff like this here, but I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately and how much I miss having them in my life. Family is so important to me and sometimes I think it’s really hard to find someone who also feels this way. You always hear stories about evil in-laws and I just can’t imagine ever not getting along with my significant other’s family. Of course, I have my own family with whom I am extremely close to, but sometimes there’s nothing like having a second family who you know loves you and cares about you even though they don’t have to. The only problem is how transient these relationships can be. It can’t be unconditional love like it is with your own family because when push comes to shove, parents have to support their own child.

Breakups are really difficult even when you know they’re right, because it’s not just one person you’re losing, it’s a whole group of people. Sometimes I get the urge to call my ex’s mom and see how she’s doing. But I’m pretty sure this would be violating some sort of unspoken code or something. It’s weird to see pictures of his little sister and how much she’s grown and realize how long it’s been since I’ve seen her. But I guess this is just a part of life and how it goes. People aren’t always meant to stay in our lives for the long-term, but I think we learn a lot and gain something from every person we encounter. Life goes on, and new, and hopefully even better, people come into our lives. Maybe even to stay.

O.K. I’m done self-pitying and am getting myself in a better mood for the weekend. I’m just depressed I’m getting “old” and am being over-emotional and lame. I promise I’ll cheer up.

4 Responses to “they’re not your family.”

  1. Shelley Says:

    I know exactly how you feel… I love my ex-boyfriend’s family. I still get to see them though, since I have remained pretty good friends with my ex. I guess I’m lucky in that sense. Cheer up! I just went through a few moody days myself. 🙂

  2. Stacey Says:

    I can empathize, as well. I was really serious with my last two boyfriends and therefore went into meeting their families as though I were meeting future in-laws. Things didn’t work out with either, unfortunately, and I do kind of miss the comfort I felt with their families.

  3. Bass Man Says:

    I ended up marrying the wrong person because her dad and I were such good friends. Her siblings and mother were a little off the chart, but her dad was a genuine article. When he died several years ago, I lost my best friend.

    The odd thing was, that when my wife and I split, her family supported me. For a couple of years, her contact with her family was thru me.

    Of course, we had kids, and her family were still aunts, uncles and cousins, so contact with them is inevitable, but it’s nice to know that you have a relationship with them without it being dependent on the ex.

    You are allowed to contact your ex’s mom if you guys had a friendship. Be honest with her about why you are contacting her, maybe she misses you being around as well. You can have that without involving the ex.

  4. seeleigh Says:

    teardrops everywhere. very carrie bradshaw.

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