Everyone Loves a Boston Girl

I’ve been obsessed with buying pilates DVDs lately. I love doing pilates but I get really bored doing the same exact routine every day. When I know each workout, I have this annoying habit of saying what the instructor is going to say before they say it, and I drive myself absolutely nuts. In any event, I feel as though I’ve been getting to know each instructor really well and learning what I do and do not like about each of them.

I think Denise Austin is extremely annoying, BUT she has great workouts so I cannot stay away from her. She seriously pisses me off with some of the things she says though and I find myself mocking her throughout the session. For instance, she often says “show me that smiling face!” And I always look up with the worst face I can possibly make, as if she can see me and know that I am not happy doing her workout and will not smile for me. I just don’t understand why, when she’s telling me to contort my body into horrible positions and utilize muscles I didn’t know I had, she’s also asking me to look up and smile at her. One positive thing I can say, is that Denise no longer talks about the scapula while doing pilates…and that’s a good thing because she used to always call it a “scapular” and it realllly got to me. Anyway, she always claps and congratulates me when I’m done with the workout, which usually makes me happy. “You did it!” I just wish she wasn’t so annoying.

I enjoy Ellen Barrett of Crunch Pilates, but only when she has long hair. I have noo idea or exclamation for why this is, but I find her so much more personable and approachable when she has long hair. Anyway, she offers me some good matwork but also does a really fun cardio workout which leaves me out of breath but feeling good. Plus, the back of the DVD says her splurge food is “anything peanut butter” so how can I not like her? Her “backup girls” are all great too and they really seem to love each other, evident through the smiles, laughter, and hugs they give one another after the video is complete. They also all hug the creepy guy in yoga pants who sits Indian style and plays the bongos.

I liked Kristin McGee of MTV Pilates well enough until tonight when I became convinced she was trying to kill me. I’m a big fan of her regular pilates DVD because she’s sweet and relaxing and I think she does a good all-around workout. However, for an MTV DVD, the music sure is lame. I thought it would be a lot more fun and get me more in the mood to work out. Anyway, I tried her Pilates Mix for the first time tonight and I could barely get through it. Usually when I do pilates, I don’t even realize what a workout I’m getting until I feel it the next day. But Kristin basically wanted me to hold my entire body up with my arms for the whole 30-minutes session. Not happening here, and I’m pretty sure she’s got the cameramen working so she can take a break whenever she pleases. If I continue this DVD, my arms will either a) fall off or b) look like the hulk’s. Again, the DVD back says something about “DJ Danny Sullivan laying down the beats…” The beats are lame DJ Danny Sullivan, lame.

Is it bad that we had guest speakers in our class talking about their publication that’s all about peace and love and anti-violence, and all I could think about is how Glamour magazine would have a field day giving them makeovers?? Sometimes I feel like a horrible person, but just because you’re anti-consumerism, and hippyish, doesn’t mean you need to look like schmuck. I don’t think it’s very effective. You can certainly find clothes at Good Will and what not that actually fit and don’t hang down to your knees. You can also probably give yourself a halfway decent haircut.

I just feel like if you want people to listen to you, you should make yourself presentable. Even if I agreed with everything these people were saying (which I did not), I’d be apprehensive to join their cause because they looked so horrible. But instead of listening to everything they stood for, I just kept looking at them asking “why?” You might not care what you look like but other people do, and when you show that you don’t give a crap about your appearance, other people aren’t going to give a crap about what you say.

“Clothes don’t make the man, but clothes have got many a man a good job.” -Herbert Harold Vreeland